Bawdy Language: Book Excerpts
As a public service, to advance the world's awareness and understanding of the origins of curse words, swear words, dirty talk, and sexual slang, and to whet your appetite for more, we offer for your pleasure a page from each chapter. These samplers provide a good sense of the subject matter of each chapter, each of which is self contained. They are cool both for reading and as a gift. Individual chapters can be downloaded at a mere $1.99 each. Such a bargain!
We're Number One!: Book II - Haste Makes Waste/ The Toilette 1
The Erotic Tongue
Haste Makes Waste: The Book of the TOILETTE
When ladies, God bless 'em, are milling about,
You make water, wee-wee, or empty the glass;
You can powder your nose; "Excuse me" may pass;
Shake the dew off the lily; see a man 'bout a dog;
Or when everyone's soused, it's condensing the fog.
But be pleased to consider and remember just this-
That only in Shakespeare do characters piss!
— "Ode to Those Four-Letter Words"
Pissing has been received differently depending on the culture. It was anything but number one (nursery term, 19thC) to the followers of Mohammed, who were so repelled by it they chose to squat in the act rather than let a single drop fall on their person. The Hottentots, on the other hand, couldn't seem to get enough of it. The high point of their marriage ceremony came when the priest urinated (c. 1599) upon the bride and the groom.
Here in the West we are generally more pissed off than pissed upon. When you piss people off, you get them angry. President Lyndon Johnson was one who got pissed off frequently. But even he could be selective about it. Queried once as to the reason he retained the difficult J. Edgar Hoover as Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, he explained: "I'd much rather have that fellow inside my tent pissing out than outside my tent pissing in."
There have, however, been a few exceptions where piss has been welcome. In the seventeenth century we used piss as a facial cleanser and to remove birthmarks and freckles. Today, it's the critical ingredient in the kinky activity known as water sports.
Though pissing is a universal phenomenon, not everyone can piss well. Some people are notoriously piss-poor. Clemenceau, the French Prime Minister during World War I, pissed and moaned about his prostate, lamenting enviously of Lloyd George, his British counterpart, "Ah, si je pouvais pisser comme il parle." ("If only I could piss like he can talk.")
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