Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Bawdy Language: Book Excerpts

Different Strokes: Book I - The Erotic Tongue


As this branch of uncleanliness, viz., Sinning with a person's own Self, is the most general of any Sin of Impurity...instructions concerning it are the most wanted in the world to awaken the Guilty, and deter the Innocent and Unwary from falling into it, through Inadvertence or Ignorance.

— The Crime of Onan or the heinous Vice of Self-Defilement with all its Dismal Consequences, 1724


"With whom did you first do it?"
"I was alone at the time."

— Woody Allen

Different Strokes


This chapter is about masturbation and could be dangerous to your health.

The mother of the household stands outside the bathroom door hyperventilating. A gentle knock. No response. Knocking escalates into a rapid rhythmic tempo, becomes a pounding, finally degenerates into a series of irregular thuds. A shrill scream and the all too familiar refrain, "What are you doing in there?" Inside, oblivious to it all and comfortably ensconced against the outside world, is you-know-who doing you-know-what.

Little boy sits on the lavatory pan, Gently caressing his little old man. Flip, flop, into the tank, Christopher Robin is having a whank.
— Anon, 20thC

Swinging Single

The parts can be a whole lot of fun when put together properly, but individually they're also a source of enjoyment.

Playing with oneself (18th-20thC) is a worthwhile activity for both sexes and one of the most rewarding of all the sexual practices. In terms of orgasmic efficacy, it seldom fails us. Alfred Kinsey reported that 95 percent of the time it is successful, with 75 percent of the participants attaining climax (20thC) in less than four minutes. Yet some consider it wasting time (20thC), as does Richard Spears (Slang and Euphemism), who arbitrarily lumped all 127 synonyms for the act under that heading.

Detractors apparently didn't realize its potential as the source of real self-pleasure (20thC) and the ultimate expression of self-love (20thC). Why, even the Germans consider it Selbstbefriedi-gung, "self-satisfaction."

Self-love? Why not? George Carlin tried it and so enjoyed the pleasure of his company that he sent himself flowers afterward.